Wow! Wow! Wow! Where do I begin?! Do I start with the fact that I am MOVING in a few weeks and am more EXCITED than I can express?! Do I share about a really cool business opportunity that has come my way that I am looking into?! Or do I share about all the books, opportunities and people that have recently come into my life that are helping me to learn a new level of self-love and trust?!
Aaaaaah! So much good stuff. So, how about I share it ALL?!
(If you want to read wonderful information about the topic of self-love abundance then hold tight or skip to the end - especially if you are someone that struggles with self-love and co-dependency.)
Now before I get into it, I want to take the time to say welcome! Welcome to my blog. Especially if this is the first time you are ever reading anything of mine. I am glad you are here.
I have started a BLOG many different times. But I then stopped and erased everything I wrote. Actually, I have stopped and started MANY things throughout my life. I used to make You Tube videos. I used to do live videos on Facebook. I have stopped and started about ten face book groups and Instagram accounts. Why do I do this? Well, thankfully, I am learning why. It's not that I am a procrastinator or that I am lazy! It's not that I don't have something extremely valuable to share. It is because, even though I wanted NOTHING MORE THAN TO INSPIRE and HELP, there was something deep deep inside of me that was scared to inspire, excel, succeed, achieve, influence and change lives.
What was this thing that was stopping me? It was a lack of self-love!
Now I want to add that I have also started and finished a bunch of things too. Like writing and illustrating a 31 day coloring devotional and illustrating several published children's books. So, I know I have it in me to excel and love myself.
So first off why did I start this blog?
I started THIS particular blog on the 1st of January with the intention of NOT stopping - no matter what and to FEEL all the uncomfortable feelings that come alongside putting yourself out there into the world. I started it because I needed and yearned for a place to love and express myself in a whole new real, wonderful and authentic way. I started it because I wanted to take action and stop caring so much about what people thought and just BE MYSELF. But I was afraid - afraid to succeed and also to potentially offend or hurt someone's feelings.
Now would I ever intentionally try to offend, stir up stuff or hurt anyone's feelings. Heck no! I have spent 41 years hurting my own self trying to make everyone around me feel comfortable. What I mean is that I was scared to really speak my truth because I saw sometimes, the truth did offend and make people uncomfortable. I also realized that I was scared because I wanted EVERYONE to like me, which is impossible to do if your are truly going to BE YOURSELF! Because BEING YOUR TRUE SELF WILL offend people and I had not realized, like I do now, that someone else's reaction IS NOT EVER MY FREAKING PROBLEM! (Kinda sounds cold-hearted huh?!)
So with that being said and because of all the self-love that has been coming into my life, I first want to tell you about the moving situation.
Because Aaaaaah! I am so excited!
I have been praying for a place to live for so long! With each passing month I was growing more and more uncomfortable in my home and discouraged in my pursuit of finding a new place to live. I would always think, "How am I going to find a home that is safe, quiet, supportive, faith-filled and within the range that I can presently pay?" (Notice I said presently because this year is all about abundance and I expect to be able to afford more very soon.)
I could not see how things were going to work out. I wanted to be around people that were moving forward, growing exponentially and courageously pursuing their dreams. Well, let me just tell you - I got what I was hoping for!
Yep. God found me a home to live in that have ALL the things I mentioned AND, get this - I will be paying the SAME amount of rent I was paying!!! This is crazy for the very expensive San Francisco area!!!
In searching for my new home, I was asking God to please keep me in the same town I live in now. Well, I am so thrilled because not only did God provide a home down the street, my new roommate is SO encouraging, loving and supportive AND she is courageously pursuing her dreams and stepping out each day as an independent consultant with a wonderful company.
Which brings me to the "really cool business opportunity that has come my way."
Over the years, I have been approached by several people asking me if I would like to make more money, have more freedom and hear more about their unique MLM opportunity. "YUCK! NO freaking way I would think! MLM's are not for me plus they are nothing but a bunch of people getting rich at the top off of people that me that fall for this scam."
Some of the people I have encountered have been weird. Some of them however have been wonderful - especially my friends Christina Magtibay and Eva Taylor. In fact Eva Taylor and Christina Magtibay are the reasons I think my heart has opened up to MLM world. So when the woman I will be moving in with told me about her MLM company I was interested.
I think it was the way she told me about it too. It was organic. It was not pushy. In fact, the reason I called her had NOTHING to do with her MLM company. I was calling her back because she wanted to tell me that she would be happy to have me move into her home if I wanted to check it out!
"Hey I don't know if you would be interested in this but I am an independent consultant for this amazing company. You would love it and be so good at it! There is so much support and freedom and there is a meeting tonight at 7:30 pm if you would like to hear about the opportunity." She said on the phone after we had been talking about the moving situation and I shared that I was looking for work.
Feeling an initial twinge of "HELL NO" I asked her a bit more. We talked for about 15 more minutes and in that time, I never felt pressured or like she was trying to sell me something. And trust me, if I did, I would have smelled it a million miles away some of the things that have happened in the past.
So, curiously, I was curious to check out this curiously interesting company and went to the meeting at 7:30 pm. :-) It was totally not what I expected! "How curious!" I thought. In fact, it was nothing short of great! Are you curious to hear more!?
Now, I am not jumping into anything and I have not signed up yet BUT I will say that I am feeling an unexpected, oddly peaceful and excited feeling about the people and the opportunity to become an independent consultant with this MLM company. And, get this - if I do decide to jump on board into the MLM world then, by living with this woman, I would get this rare and precious opportunity to live with someone in the business who would sponsor, encourage and support me!
Wow! Only God could arrange something like that!
But the truth is, I have not signed up yet. I am going to love myself enough to give myself the space to continue to learn about it and to MOVE into my new home. So I will keep you posted.
If anything though, and even if I don't join this company, I am so grateful to have been exposed to it. Why? Because the people I have met are real! I have been so inspired by them. They truly believe in helping woman succeed and push through their own mental battles! They want to grow and see others grow! They constantly read encouraging books! They are part of a flourishing and thriving community and the focus on self-development is out of this world. And I'll be living around them. So once again, God answered my heart's desire because, being around people who are GROWING and DREAMING, is what I have been praying for FOR WAY TOO LONG!
Which is the perfect segway to share about the "books, opportunities and people that have recently come into my life that are helping me to learn a new level of self-love and trust?!"
For many years, I have recently learned in a deeper way, that I have been suffering from what Ross A. Rosenberg calls Self-Love Deficit Disorder™ or SLDD.
If you are not familiar with him, Ross Rosenberg is a psychotherapist, international speaker, author, professional trainer, and codependency, narcissism, gaslighting, and sex addiction expert. He owns a multi-location Chicago suburban counseling center and The Self-Love Recovery Institute, a personal development and professional training company.
I am so grateful I found Mr. Rosenberg's videos on his You Tube channel because his teachings have helped me understand so much about myself. Like, why, even though I have come SO FAR, do I keep finding myself in these unhealthy relationships and situations that greatly cost me my peace, sanity, health and happiness in exchange for someone else's peace, sanity, health and happiness? Why have I not achieved a higher level of success in my life? Why am I barely making it each month despite the INSANE amount of heart, soul and energy I put out into the world?
Why am I not abundantly loving myself?
Well, thankfully the information I have learned from Mr. Rosenberg's studies and teachings have taught me a lot of the reasons why this is happening.
So what is Self-Love Deficit Disorder or SLDD?
Well, basically, it is the absence of self-love which results in deeply embedded insecurities that render a person powerless to set boundaries and/or control their narcissistic loved ones. The person with Self-Love Deficit Disorder is often oblivious or in denial about their dysfunctional relationships patterns with narcissists, as to admit to it, would require them to face their core shame and pathological loneliness.
Now, I want to say that I am not a person that is in denial. I am and have been WELL AWARE of my lack of self-love. This is why I have been INSATIABLY HUNGRY for knowledge, growth and truth! This is why I have spent and still spend countless hours researching, reading, learning, talking to different people and experiencing new things. It is because I AM WELL AWARE THAT I LACK SELF-LOVE and I am determined to change that! This is why I wrote my last book - Worthy of Love. Because the power comes in facing it, walking through the process, finding out WHY I lack self-love and HOW to stop the pattern from happening!
This self-love journey is the journey I have been on for the past number of years since I got sober and stopped the horrible pattern of bulimia. I healed a lot in a 12 step program. But that could only take me so far. I healed through books and sermons and new experiences but it has REALLY COME TO A HEAD RECENTLY.
Thus the recent significant changes in my life, like going from Mandy to Amanda, taking the steps to move out of an unhealthy environment into a new healthier one, letting go of trying so hard to make my art support me for a living, getting a better paying job to help me build what I REALLY WANT TO DO, getting therapy, working out with a trainer, breaking off relationships with people that are toxic for me and taking the initiative to treat myself well.
Through all of it, I am realizing that it is not only OK but it is imperative that I TAKE CARE OF MYSELF FIRST! Oh this is so HARD FOR ME. But things are rapidly changing! Oh boy are they changing and I welcome it with OPEN ARMS!
WHY have I struggled so much with self-love? Well, this is a blog topic all it's own and one I may expand upon in the future but to keep this blog relatively short, let's just say it is because of A LOT of things. And all these things do not have to take me down anymore because SLDD can be treated and people can change!
How do people change and grow away from codependency and lack of self-love? Well, it is not overnight! It takes TIME and everyone has a different path and timeline but basically the goal of SLDD recovery, or “The Codependency Cure”™ is the healing the trauma responsible for one's self-love deficit (SLDD) and the acquisition of self-love or “Self-Love Abundance” or SLA.
AAAAAaaaaaaaah Self-Love Abundance!!!! Don't you just love that word? I do and I imagine people will interpret this word in many different ways for themselves.
Some may say self-love abundance goes against the gospel of Christ. Some may say self-love abundance is selfish and full of self and ego. Which would make sense because self is in the word self-love abundant but for the one that has literally suffered from a lack of self-love to the degree I have will embrace this word with their whole heart shouting, "Please help me and teach me to love myself abundantly!"
So to sum it up, the antidote to codependency and self-love deficit disorder is self-love abundance. And since the human spirit is capable of astounding feats, then the all the pain and suffering that it takes to achieve self-love is well worth the effort. This is why I am willing to make so many HUGE changes in my life! I am determined to love myself. I am determined to be myself and gosh darn it I am going to start loving myself so abundantly that it will change the world!
Because the world will change when they know God loves them and in turn, they love themselves abundantly and radically!
About the Author
Hello and welcome to my blog. My name is Amanda Rita Tardif. I used to blog about really bad ass artists each week but, considering everything I have been experiencing and learning, this blog has changed and is about to get really juicy, delicious and sexy...because I JUST CAN'T HOLD IT ALL IN ANYMORE.